A few weeks ago, I was talking with a friend. She is naturally thin... quite slim, in fact, despite having given birth to three children and being about my age. We were talking about the stresses in our lives (there are rather unique challenges that we share, both having children ranging from preschoolers to kids in their late teens), how we are tired and feeling a bit overwhelmed lately. As we were walking to our cars, I said, "I think I need an iced mocha." She responded, "Oh, I feel that way too. But I hate to self medicate."
Interesting.
I have to wonder if it all boils down to simple self-medication. When I feel sad, or stressed, or anxious, I want to *do* something about it. And that *something* is generally to eat. Eat something that makes me feel better. Like a pill for a headache, a donut soothes my nerves, calms me down, helps me take the focus off my problems for just a little while. Like an aspirin for an ache. Like a drink after a hard day's work. Like a line of cocaine to a stressed college student.
It's all self medicating. Does everyone do it, in some form? Take care of your own pains and worries with *something*? I guess some people deal with their problems head-on, or use things like exercise or relaxation to cope. It's those unhealthy coping mechanisms... drugs, alcohol, smoking, binge eating... that are a detriment And it's the people who self-medicate to excess with food who become obese, or bulimic.
It seems unfair to me sometimes, how other people can have their problems like gambling or sleeping around or drinking to excess, and they still look pretty normal to your everyday stranger. Sure, their behaviors may lead to unpleasant consequences... bankruptcy, STDs, problems on the job... but no one walking past them on the street would know they even have a problem. No one nods hello to the clean cut man in a business suit at the bus stop and thinks, "wow, I bet he is an alcoholic." But they walk past me, and my out of control behavior is plastered all over my body. My fat rolls are like a billboard to the world: "Look at me, I can't even control what I put in my mouth." I realize that there are obese people who have some kind of health condition or whatever, and don't binge. But I also know that people look at the obese and judge. They see my weight and wonder what the heck I ate to get this big. And I hate that any stranger on the street can look at me and assume... correctly, in my case... that I ate a whole lot of junk. That my eating is out of control. That I have issues. I hate that.
But my thin friend, she recognized in herself a tendency to self medicate on occasion with food or drink. She made a decision to be aware of it and curtail it. She uses her faith, her friends, her activity to deal with stress instead. I wonder if most thin people do that. I really don't know.
It took me a long time to realize that I was eating to numb my emotional distress. But now that I am self-aware, I can make better decisions on how I deal with it.
Baby Robins, 7/12, 10 days old:
